Grappling with God in Scotland:

My Pentecost at the Stronghold Festival

Pentecost in Scotland: Wrestling with God Like Jacob at the Stronghold Festival

Hello dear friends,

Pentecost is behind us—and for me, it was a time of intense searching, service, and a deeply personal struggle. Together with the EMC, I traveled to Scotland for the Stronghold Festival.

However, the start was anything but smooth. Barely had we arrived, and my health completely broke down. Fortunately, we had arrived two days before the festival began, and thanks to the powerful prayers of my community, I recovered just in time for the start.

Serving Behind the Scenes & Nonstop Adoration

As the EMC, we rolled up our sleeves and helped out on site. This time, my service was keeping the large dining tent in order—a practical, grounded task for the community.

From the outside, the event was simply fantastic. The concept was unique: there was really only one fixed item on the daily schedule—Holy Mass at 10:30 in the morning. For the entire rest of the time, from Friday afternoon to Monday morning, there was nonstop adoration with praise and worship running right through the night.

My Struggle Like Jacob

This continuous presence of God in the Blessed Sacrament exerted a powerful pull on me. Whenever my service in the dining tent was done, I was immediately drawn back to the adoration tent. I easily spent more than nine hours in adoration each day.

I felt like Jacob in the Old Testament, who wrestled with God all night long. I desperately wanted to have a tangible, profound experience with Him. But this time, that emotional experience was withheld from me.

The God Who Shows us our Wounds

Only in hindsight did I understand what God was doing instead during those many hours of silence and praise: He didn't give me spectacular fireworks; instead, He showed me many wounds from my past that He wants to heal.

Sometimes God withholds the "feeling" of His presence because He wants to dig deeper. He doesn't heal on the surface. I am now full of expectation and eager to see how He will walk this path of healing with me in the coming weeks and months.

Pentecost means the Holy Spirit comes—and sometimes He comes as a gentle wind that exposes what lies in the dark in order to make it whole.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey through your prayers!

With love and God's rich blessings,
Nici